Pseudologia Fastastica: a shattered lives landscape

I went to Roman Catholic schools from age 5 until 22. I will always be grateful for the education I received there and what was taught about morality and ethics. It served me well. However, so much so that I can feel like a misfit, a dissident, a loser in the public arena at times. I can remember once lying to my parents about something fairly benign – an academic accolade. A praiseworthy fabrication. I felt guilty later and l, confiding in my friend, was too easily persuaded to confess this indiscretion to my priest on Friday afternoon at my church. I felt a huge relief emptying my imprudence, but in latter years, resented the hell out of these repeated expected behaviors one was compelled to perform. Mainly out of the deeply rooted sense of guilt instilled in our ‘souls’. LYING was one of the frequent rote adages we used in confession. For ‘coveting one’s neighbor’s wife’ and ‘killing’ someone seemed a bit extreme. No one really knew what ‘covet’ meant, however, its sinister sound was enough to leave it in the catechismal appendix along with ‘ejaculation’ and ‘adultery’. Yet ‘lying’ was a necessity not only in Catholic education platform, but also within the abnormal scenario of my home life, which I clearly discussed in previous blogs…of which I won’t bore you with now.

Pseudologia Fantastica (PF), pathologic lying, is an established and controversial anomaly in psychiatric literature. There is no widely accepted organized nor clear diagnostic criteria for it. In the literature, this disorder has been associated with low self-esteem and can imbricate narcissistic personality disorder and/or other Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fourth Edition (DSM-IV) cluster B personality disorders. That being said, later I intend to discuss this pathology in relation to two instances of familial murders that are as cruel and shocking as I have ever witnessed in my Crime-Obsessed life. (See previous blogs).

In further researching the PF phenomenon, although there is no current psychological diagnosis titled “psychopathy”, the term is often used more broadly within the general public to refer to the series of traits such as anti-social personality and a lack of empathy and remorse. What IS agreed upon, however, is that neither guilt about lying nor fear of being caught will cause a person with these traits to make mistakes when they lie. Psychopaths would not be afraid of being caught and, thus, are more likely to fool an expert, or pass a polygraph test


The pathological liar tells stories. Often intricate and at times clearly implausible. However this ‘liar’ is adept at adapting the frivolity into the realm of believability. Their skills are honed. They are tricky, crafty and clever. Their myths are fantastical but don’t breach the limits of plausibility. The tendency to fabricate is chronic and there is an element of it being out of control. Pathological liars usually tell stories portraying themselves as heroes, or being very brave or having power or wealth. Or, they can occasionally portray themselves as victims, martyrs, sacrificial lambs. Their cunning not to be underestimated.

Although lying is a common feature of social interaction, pathological lying may be a sign of underlying mental health conditions. Unlike psychopaths, pathological liars often exhibit stress and guilt. They often do not exhibit any antisocial behaviour. But although lying can seem relatively harmless, it is considered a sign of mental disorder because it dominates reason and rational thought, transporting one in and out of a fantasy world.

Pathological liars are seen to be of average or above average intelligence, some with superior verbal skills. However, it is reported that some may have seizure disorders or have suffered from some kind of head trauma. Serial lying has also shown to be related to attention deficit hyperactivity disorder or an infection of the central nerves system. Tom Toles, editorial cartoonist at The Washington Post, has called former President Donald Trump a ‘pathological liar’ – with his account not the only one who shares this diagnosis. For everyone knows someone who can fit the description of a pathological liar. Most of us learn to discount their stories as part of someone’s perhaps egotistical or imaginative personality. The problem is, when they do tell the truth, it gets consistently more difficult to believe them.

Enough for rhetoric about this condition. Let’s get into some examples I find telling and emblematic. If you don’t care – please go away to a kinder space. This is stuff for people like me to feed on. Our raisin d’etre. Shall we?

#1. State vs Hacking

Look. At. Them. LORI! An all American beauty. A cheerleader. Smart. Sweet. Good-natured. And MARK! Kind-faced. Devoted. Clean cut. See what I mean? The culprit in this couple is Mark. A man whose Pseudologia Fantastica was not just a trait to reckon with. It was a pathology directly responsible for the death of this sweet, smart woman who became entrapped in a marriage founded on lies.

It was July 2004 when a beautiful 27 year old woman was reported missing by her husband, Mark Hacking. He reported to Salt Lake police that his wife, Lori, had gone on her usual run and failed to return.

By all accounts, Mark Hacking worshipped his wife of five years, and he wasn’t afraid to show it. Correspondent Maureen Mahr in a 48 Hours update: “He adored her. And she adored him,” recalls Lori’s mother, Thelma Soares. “I couldn’t have asked for a better son-in-law. Lori used to call him ‘My big, old teddy bear.'” Mark, 28, was outgoing and romantic, while Lori, 27, was private and practical. But according to Lori’s only sibling…”they were different. They say opposites attract. And that — I think that was the situation,” says Soares.

Authorities soon discovered that husband Mark Hacking had structured a life of lies to his wife and family, regaling them with tales of a earning a college degree and being accepted to medical school. In reality, he was pretending to leave the apartment to go to school, only to return once his wife was at school to work more diligently on video games. “We were under the impression that Mark had been accepted to medical school and just found out a few minutes ago he never even applied to medical school at North Carolina,” says Mark’s father, Douglas Hacking.

In the days following Lori’s disappearance, while hundreds of volunteers searched for her, it became apparent that Hacking had been making up stories for years. In fact, Hacking had never even graduated from college. He stopped attending classes at the University of Utah three years ago, and Lori, and Mark’s family, found out.

“As long as he was doing his best, she would have loved him with all of her heart,” says Lori’s sister. “And he didn’t have to be a doctor, a president — whatever it was. As long as he was doing his best, she would have loved him.” And Hacking may have been the only person who didn’t truly believe this .

Failure just was not an option for Mark. It appeared he couldn’t handle the idea of letting her down. His PF (pseudologia fantastica) became HIS modus operandi, his only coping mechanism he was able to envision and utilize. He became desperate and cowardly, never being able to envision any possibility of redemption. It reminds me of a person contemplating suicide. Rationality is abandoned. Despair towers over ANY POSSIBLE logical and lucid alternative. Basically, I think that perhaps, he was just so shamed and distraught about disappointing her that maybe something did snap…whatever that means. I don’t know. I DO KNOW that murder is not EVER acceptable as a choice for ANY SITUATION. However, his [pathology] follows a course of deviancy where criminality becomes a choice. This is the crux of the problem I am exploring. How is this aberration to one’s rational problem solving allowed to enter as an option? I am no clearer in my thinking. Are you? Let’s continue to explore another similar case. Perhaps we can shed more light on our grasps and perceptions in knowing this dilemma.

#2. State vs Chandler Halderson

Chandler Halderson was living a lie, as was stated by the prosecutor this week during opening statements in the murder trial of this 24 year old. He lied about attending college, having a job and getting a job offer waiting for him in Florida. When he was about to be exposed, his method of solving this entangled quandary was simple. He shot and killed both parents, dismembered their bodies, burned their heads in the hearth of the family home and scattered their remains in the nearby woods. Well, I guess that was one way of solving his problem of facing the music. Heinous. Unthinkable. Was it desperation? Pure cowardice? Excruciating fear? Or by reason of a narcissistic personality? Does it matter? My exploration concerns his behaviors before these acts of barbarism. Why did this seemingly smart young man from a good family who apparently loved him lead a life of deception. Like Mark Hacking, he found himself in a pyramid of lies. His life a convoluted pretense.

Chandler Halderson offered himself to the world as a soon-to-be graduate of a renewable sources engineering program at Madison Area Technical College with a job at American Family Insurance however a greater one ready for him at Elon Musk’s SpaceX. I mean… REALLY? Not necessarily intrinsic to this blog, but this having gone on for years… were his parents sharing the same home? Eating meals together? Did they not note anything ‘fishy’ about his daily routine? We’re they blind? Self absorbed? Too busy? Afraid of him? Afraid of themselves? Well. That’s not the point, is it, however, although too late to discover, it certainly looms over this story like a rancid odor no air freshener can touch…

And when his father figured it out, the prosecution claims, Halderson decided to kill him and his mother and get rid of their bodies, first in the family fireplace and then around southern Wisconsin — and then he lied about that, too. And lied. And lied. As stated by the State: “A lot of cases begin with a murder. This one is just a small piece of the puzzle,” Brown told the 18-member jury during his hour-plus opening statement. “Chandler spun an amazing web of lies.”

I guess the above spider metaphor is telling and descriptive. Mr Brown, the Wisconsin Prosecutor, an adept and highly skilled litigator, KNOWS the deal. As I watch this trial daily on COURT TV, (ok… at work with my phone hidden in my top desk drawer – my priorities questionable) I TRY to stay focused on the proceedings, however I am invariably thrust into the head of this man-child. WHAT WAS HE THINKING WOULD HAPPEN? Is he delusional enough to even ponder Elon Musk hiring him? Is he suffering from a psychosis? Or, and most assuredly the case, is Chandler Halderson another example of Pseudologia Fantastica? I think we may never know the answer. But I do believe it IS ANSWERABLE.

In discussing PF and it’s relationship to forensic psychiatry I wonder about its frequency and attitudes of the legal community. I fear a clearer definition as well as more in-depth research be done to truly interpret a correlation. Psychiatrists have expressed diverse opinions on substantive questions about pathological liars. Do they recognize their stories as false or believe them to be real? To the extent that they believe them as reality, is there a loss of reality testing? The answers to these questions could have enormous implications in the legal arena. A significant consideration could be if such an individual be held responsible for his/her PF … would this necessarily lead to it being considered criminal act? Would it be feasible, in some cases, to allege that the PF was uncontrollable? A [pathology]? It is quite obvious for many reasons that PF, as a criminal defense, would necessarily not reach the threshold of legal acceptance as, say, an INSANITY defense. However, can it be utilized in the courtroom to some degree in explaining or helping jurors more fairly judge a defendant? A least to have information for consideration. A fair question. A fair requisition.

In summary, My questions raised here create a challenge for the forensic and legal communities. Although I believe an agreement on the concept of PF and criminality is far away, we continue to need strategies in the assessment of firstly, the pathology of the individual. And secondly, the role it could/would play in its utilization in the courtroom.

When pathological liars get into legal trouble or another administrative entity, the forensic community needs to determine whether or not to make endorsements for arguing extenuating circumstances. Perhaps forensic psychiatrists can in certain and clear circumstances assist the legal community frame an argument that could possibly be exculpatory to some degree in defense of a client. I need to, again, reiterate my view that the impact of PF not be ignored and deserves critical attention in legal context, although considerable vagueness and confusion surround this concept. To what extent can a person control lying behaviors? To what extent do pathological liars have responsibility for their actions? Mark Hacking’s life was replete with behaviors such as this. Did his over-achieving family play a role in his destructive behaviors? Does Chandler Halderson have a concurrent psychiatric morbidity? While natural liars are seemingly no different than the average person (apart from their skill in lying), the hallmark of psychopathy is persistent antisocial behavior and lack of empathy and remorse. Do we see this here? We do not know these two men to a degree that we can answer or EVEN speculate the degree of their TRUE criminal and sinister intentions. But raising questions regarding Pseudologia Fantastica and it’s possible role in some criminal cases is worth a blog… do you agree? P.S. I wonder what Mark and Chandler would tell their priest if in a confessional? Then again…”Thou shalt not kill” doesn’t often enter in the mind as a possible contention for sin-choice…does it? PLEASREADTHIS🗽

Flashes from a judicial flashlight: Rittenhouse Square Deal?

Rittenhouse Square

Two things. I love Rittenhouse Square in Philly and it was desecrated. And, I am mad. It will never sound the same. Well, let’s just say the ‘Rittenhouse’ name no longer holds the glamour, love and attention it was designed to have in the minds of Penn and Holme. If you met a man named Mr ‘Oswald’ would you not instantly envision that scrawny thug we saw in November of 1963? If not, you are much younger than I. It’s a kind of onomatopoeia. Sorta. I am like that. Concrete. I cannot separate semantics from ugliness and horror. For surely there MUST be a decent human on this planet with the name of Hitler. Yet, I would hide from meeting such a person. This, however, is poor and it serves me nothing useful. Nor does it have much to do with this blog. I must proceed. I hope you understood all that.

Secondly, Roosevelt’s ‘Square Deal’ intrigues me as a human and a consumer. During his first term in office, President Roosevelt championed for a collection of policies which he thought would correct the wrongs that had been created by industrialization. He hoped also to try to improve the quality of life of his people. These policies were collectively referred to as “The Square Deal”. The domestic programs were mainly focused on controlling corporations, consumer welfare, and nature conservation.

The ‘Sherman Antitrust Act’ stopped firms that were bad monopolies and encouraged the good ones. The Meat Inspection Act and the Pure Food and Drug Act of 1906 ensured that meat was processed and packaged with proper labeling. Labor unions were also recognized and their bosses required to improve working conditions. That’s a SQUARE DEAL. But nothing in the Rittenhouse Episode was ‘square’. No ‘deal’ for ANYONE except for the young Mr Rittenhouse. Hence…my title. But it is just a label for ingredients to a disturbing array of rhetoric I have about this Kyle Rittenhouse catastrophe. A devastation of lives, ideals, beliefs, family values, media, judicuary…Everything and anything, it seems, was affected. Harmed. Lives ruined by a young man, a teenager, who had no business in Kenosha that night. A teenager anointed by his family to bear arms for a cause that was not clear. A cause that ‘caused’ a cause. Think about it. As a parent, would you condone your 17 year old child to travel out of state with an illegally owned assault rifle? I. THINK. NOT.

I fear part of me is getting bitter. Mean-spirited. Agnostic. Things have a different flavor since 1/6/21. And this calamity is just an adjunct episode in a new world filled with sins and stains. Too many mistakes being made in the name of ‘justice’. The predicament of the Rittenhouse trial was that it could never do what many Americans, especially on the left, wanted. It couldn’t produce a plain answer as to whether Mr Rittenhouse was a hero or a villain. I knew. I thought most people knew. He was neither. His actions, however, were suspect and heinous. But! It doesn’t work that way. It cannot work in the way I invoke and aspire. And I long too hard for a change to this system… Clearly Kyle was wrong. Dead wrong. Indecent in many ways and some not his fault. But that doesn’t seem to matter. What DID matter was what the randomly chosen 12 persons decided. Their reasonings – individual and acceptable. However, a different set of 12 persons could have found him guilty. And that would also be characteristic and respectable. Do you see this quandary? The indiscriminate nature of juries. The accidental. The arbitrary. The changeability. It’s nonsensical and fickle. But that’s the system. Don’t you see this ridiculously unjust methodology? It seems foolish. But Kyle goes free because of Mr ‘Smith’ and Ms ‘Flynn’ and Officer ‘Turner’. Dr ‘Jones’ and Nurse ‘Peters’ thought differently. They didn’t see a skateboard as a weapon. They didn’t accept Mr Rittenhouse as a ‘Medic’. Yet Mr ‘Smith’s’ group were the jury chosen for that trial. How about we do it again and accept the decision of two out of three? But this is not a tennis match. It’s a matter of life and death. It’s only fair. Right? Well, this is only part of my problem….

I do not plan to further discuss Mr Rittenhouse’s actions nor intentions. I do not know what he was thinking nor why he did what he did. It’s decided now anyway. However, there is a problem in the judiciary system. That is, the problem of electing judges. As stated by NBC NEWS: ‘Once elected, state judges often have the job for as long as they want it, or until they get caught taking bribes or accused of stealing cocaine from evidence in the cases before them’.

Clearly, in my opinion, Judge Schroeder proved himself unfit and prejudicial in serving this case. I cringed at his outbursts and was unnerved by his rulings. At times his behavior so inappropriate I had to truly doubt whether this was a bad episode of a daytime small court show. Laughable. However it was most certainly not funny. The word ‘judge’ implies fairness and accountability. An even temper and self control must be inherent in a person of this distinction. Well, I thought so. But these behaviors were abandoned in this case. Why was it tolerated? It should not have been allowed and it was. Already a trial gone awry long before a verdict was reached. If you watched it, you understand. If you did not, please DO. COURT TV has most of their televised trials available to stream. THIS IS IMPORTANT. For how do we change the system without first hand knowledge of its failings.

What happens next? Well, if you live in the same political sphere as I do, it is simple. And immediately transpired. Our country’s division is now deeper. Sharper. Exploited. Certain politicians and their cult followers will reject the specific and indigenous lens a juror sees and ‘judges’ a case. They will claim this verdict as a societal memorandum that VIGILANTES are an integral and necessary societal constituent. Political opportunists will use this case for race-baiting and fear-mongering in order to further political agendas. Citing this case to promote irresponsible use of assault weapons under the banner of the Second Amendment? A GIVEN. And when we allow those with no law enforcement training nor experience feel liberated to take the law into their own hands, we are all less safe. This is dangerous. This is the sequelae of this acquittal. This is what happened and I. AM. MAD.

Two sides to every story. So they say. ‘Agree to Disagree’. Sorry. NO. CAN. DO. Agreeing to Disagree is understandable when discussing or debating issues not solely based on morality or ethical concerns. I cannot and WILL NOT concede to this tenet when considering the Rittenhouse case. No one should ever take the law into their own hands, or attempt to make themselves the judge, jury and executioner of the lives of others. What Kyle Rittenhouse did was reckless, dangerous, and showed an utter disregard for human life. Was he threatened? Each state has their own interpretation. However. The sanctity is human life was ignored here BECAUSE the the perpetrator was a child. Someone unable and not qualified. A MISTAKE. A teenager ALLOWED to play the role of God. The verdict sets dangerous precedents. The Judge’s behaviors dubious. And… ROCK/PAPER/SCISSORS. I rest my case. PLEASEREADTHIS🗽

A Fractured Mind. A Fractured Man.

Tucker Carlson’s three-part Shock Jock Doc entitled “PATRIOT PURGE” presents Mr Carlson’s warped slants about Jan. 6, embarking upon the rewrite of American History- the events of the insurrection. The twisted series promotes various delusional conspiracy theories about Jan. 6, including that the violence was instigated by left-wing activists…that it may have been an ‘FBI-led false flag’ (POLITIFACT) and that the government goal was to strip millions of MAGAs of their constitutional rights. Oh! REALLY? Mr Carlson?

Jonah Goldberg, conservative political analyst, author and commentator suddenly left Fox News. So did Steve Hayes, political contributor and author also working at FoxNews. Both, for more than a decade. Their reasons astutely delineated in The Dispatch, a media company they founded. But the decision was not hasty. For reasons beyond the scope of this piece …. their departure came gradually. And then suddenly.

The ‘sudden’ part due to FoxNews’ streaming Carlson’s three part visual hallucination, “PATRIOT PURGE”, an insidious piece of propaganda that tries to transform half-truths into a whole lie. It does not work. But rather does the opposite. The depravity of his thinking , so clearly identified and elucidated now, pains way too many. Do they see it now? Is the RANTING-MAN finally exposed for the distorted and wayward views he represents? His video insinuates that the Jan. 6 riot at the Capitol might have been a “false flag operation,” orchestrated by the FBI and propelled by left wing troubadours. And that the Biden administration is targeting the ‘real patriots’ — i.e. Trump voters, in a domestic war on terrorism here. Ok. As if FoxNews needed another ornament placed onto it’s already thin-skinned narcissistic tree, this piece of confused trash only highlights to the informed, why this media outlet is getting coal for Christmas!

I mean… really, Mr Carlson? Are viewers as dumb as you believe they are? Do you REALLY need to supplicate your already extensive and delusory propaganda? To what end? You have your fans, dwindling as they may be. The ones left already questioning their ethics. The ‘real’ reason they watch you. They ‘think’ you’re smart. They want you to be smart. They need you to feed their blindfaith inability to accept criticism. Accept reality. Do you not have enough? Is it mandatory for you to engulf yourself deeper into the waste? The nearly pornographic abyss of junkjournalism? I. Think. Not.

THE FACTS

Oh, really, Mr Carlson? NO! The media DID NOT LIE. THE NEW YORK TIMES revised their account of Officer Sicknick’s death- only which a autopsy in the end was able to physiologically conclude.

Oh, really, Mr Carlson? NO! This was not a ‘crowd’ at the Capitol on January 6 simply protesting and mad at the election results. This was a MOB, filled with right wing militia such as the Proud Boys and Oath Keepers. Groups wearing military garb and combat gear winding wildly through the crowds and brandishing all kinds of weapons were WHO was there. 650 persons arrested. It was a riot. A Sedition to overthrow DEMOCRACY. A terrifying violent insurrection.

Oh, really, Mr Carlson? NO! This assault on our sacred Capitol was NOT led by left-wing agitators. There is no REAL AND CLEAR evidence Antifa nor any other ‘left wing’ groups prompted nor encouraged this violence. This MOB clearly wore Trump logo as they attacked and killed police. Your heroes, Ms Babbitt and Mr Sullivan, are saviors, in your contorted mind, because YOU NEED ONE desperately. May God help you in your straying further and further from clarity and truth.

Oh, really, Mr Carlson? NO! The attack on DEMOCRACY that fateful day was clearly not coordinated by the FBI. Your ‘False Flag’ theory backfired the day you branded this in the minds of your vulnerable and gullible viewers. This claim is just plain false. And noted so by journalist Trevor Aaronson who you was relied on for his expertise in this piece of dangerous nonsense. Do. Your. Homework, young man!

Oh, really, Mr Carlson? NO! The rioters on January 6 are certainly not ALL political prisoners. Those arrested on that day were not arrested due to their politics. The were arrested because they simply BROKE THE LAW. Breaching the Capitol and inflicting violence and harm are just plain illegalities. Mr Barnett, of Arkansas, states he is ‘a political prisoner’. Hmmm… Was this criminal not photographed with his feet on Nancy Pelosi’s desk stealing a personal correspondence? Is he a political prisoner? Or a seditious crook. A traitorous hoodlum facing a real consequence for a real crime. Get it?

Oh, really, Mr Carlson? NO! DEA Agent Mark Ibrahim was NOT FIRED from his job, as he ‘already submitted his intent to resign weeks before January 6’. As for Army Captain Elizabeth Rainey, she denies entering the Capitol, and was ‘compelled to leave my post’ as she attended the STOP THE STEAL Rally .. ‘They ostensibly ruined my career’. (POLITIFACT)

And finally, Mr Carlson. NO! Ashli Babbitt WAS NOT assassinated. John Fitzgerald Kennedy WAS assassinated. Robert F. Kennedy WAS assassinated. Indira Ghandi was assassinated. Ms Babbitt was shot and killed by Capitol police while breaching the building through broken glass after clearly being warned loudly by police and secret service to “Get back, get down, get out’! Ms Babbitt clearly did not listen. She breached the Capitol. Breached our Democracy. No, Tuck, she was clearly not assassinated.

How do Mr Carlson’s passionate fans respond logically to what they are being shown? Told? They cannot. Clearly, violence, bigotry, White Supremacy and increased division are being incited and inculcated. FoxNews has created a MONSTER. Followers beware. Monsters are Real. PLEASEREADTHIS🗽

Does Father know best?

The Broken Church PART II: bless me Father

SPOTLIGHT: 2002

‘They knew and they let it happen’: Uncovering child abuse in the Catholic Church

For all those times
You stripped away my layers
Made me taste forbidden fruit
Forced my hands to do your work
Penetrated beyond boundaries
Hands snaked around my neck ready to silence the sound

For all those times
I never said no.

For all those times
I endured unwanted shadows creeping inside
Felt cold metal of a barrelled gun pushed against my head
Suffered perversion of injustice
Paralysed my breath through restrained fear
Offered my services on a plate

For all those times
I never said no.

For all those times
I quickened my footsteps down a dim lit path
Criss-crossed patterns in the road to shake away the followers
Barricaded my sanctuary through blockades of furniture
Feigned sleep to hasten your desire
Gave you permission without speaking a word

For all those times
I never said no.

For all those times
I didn’t dare scream
Kept quiet
Stayed silent
Never fought back
Ever told

For all those times
I never said no.

For all those times
I felt special
Chosen by you
Thought you loved me
Wanted your attention
Asked for more

For all those times
I never said no.

For all those times
I trusted you
Loved you
Despised you
Feared you
Missed you

For all those times
I never said no.

For all those times
I trembled to speak
Felt ashamed
Pushed the knife deeper in
Faded into darkness
Shattered into broken pieces

For all those times
I never said no

For all those times
I am haunted daily
I speak out
Fear will no longer silence me
My voice shall be heard
Truth will resonate

For all those times
I never said no.

For all those times
I wasn’t asked
I give myself permission
My choice
My body
My right

For all those times
I never said no.

For all those times
I longed to say stop
Stop.
I am the adult
With ownership
Of my freedom

For all those times
I never said no.

For all those times
You think you won
Of lives destroyed
We will stand strong
United in power
Together as one

For all these times
We will say no.

…unnamed victim

The Spotlight Team revealed the church’s secret protection of pedophile priests in a series with global repercussions. Few investigations have made a bigger impact in the history of contemporary American journalism than the above mentioned Spotlight series in The Boston Globe in 2002. This project opened the door to highlight clergy sexual abuse, locally, regionally, nationally and internationally. This was when my awareness of its magnitude shook me to the core. Not that it was unknown. Certainly I was aware of clergy misdeeds. However, it was the extent, familiarity and gross malpractice of transparency by The Catholic Church that I find unacceptable and catastrophic.

The ‘Fixers’, they are called. And a former monk described his job while employed by the Catholic Church as one which was to cover up and displace child molesting priests. He says the communities which housed many priests were purposefully selected in states that have laws favorable to the Church, such as Missouri. Let’s focus a bit on these ‘fixers’. The who and how are unspeakable. But it is the why I find the lowest…the most inconceivable, as it bespeaks the sinful hypocrisy of an institution so many venerate and worship.

According to Wikipedia, there have been an outstanding number of ‘reported’ cases of sexual abuse of children by Catholic priests, nuns and members of various religious orders. In the 20th and 21st centuries, the cases have involved abounding allegations, inquiries, trials, convictions, affirmations and apologies by The Church as well as manifestations about decades of abuse and endeavors by the Church to conceal them. ‘The abused include mostly boys but also girls, some as young as three years old, with the majority between the ages of 11 and 14.’

Dioceses and religious orders so far have shared the names of more than 5,100 clergy members, with more than three-quarters of the names released just in the last two years. The AP researched nearly 2,000 who are still alive to determine where they have lived and worked. This was the largest review to date of what happened to priests named as ‘possible sexual abusers’. This review found hundreds of priests who continued holding roles of trust and many with direct access to children. More than 160 continued working or volunteering in churches, including dozens in Catholic dioceses overseas. Nearly 190 received professional licenses to work in education, medicine, social work and counseling, with over 76 who still had proper credentials in such fields.

When the clergy abuse scandal first hit Roman Catholic dioceses in the early 2000s, U.S. bishops created the ‘Dallas Charter’. This was considered to be a ‘baseline’ to report sexual abuse, as well as a training to prevent child abuse. A handful of canon lawyers at the time said every diocese should be ‘transparent’, name priests that had been accused of abuse and, in many cases, ‘get rid of them’.

Most dioceses decided against naming priests, however. And with the dioceses that did release lists in the next few years — some freely and others due to lawsuit settlements or bankruptcy proceedings — these abuse survivors complained about underreporting of priests, along with the exclusion of religious brothers they believed should be on those lists. The ‘Dallas Charter’ was supposed to fix everything. It supposedly made the abuse scandal HISTORY. HOWEVER… ‘this did not happen’, said the Rev. Thomas Doyle, a canon lawyer who had tried to warn the bishops that abuse was widespread and that they should ‘clean house’. If priests choose to leave their dioceses or religious orders, OR if the church decides to lastingly defrock priests in a process known as ‘laicization’, leaders say the church no longer has the authority to monitor where they go or what they do.

After the ‘Dallas Charter’ came a hustle to laicize, which resulted in more than 220 of the priests researched by the AP being laicized between 2004 and 2010. Roughly 40% of all the living credibly accused clergy members had either been laicized or had voluntarily left the church. These laicized priests were also noted as becoming increasingly YOUNGER- giving them increasing years to lead unsupervised lives, according to Deacon Bernie Nojadera, the executive director of the U.S. Conference of Catholic Bishops’ Secretariat of Child and Youth Protection. “We have 197 different ways that the Dallas Charter is being implemented. It’s a road map, a bare minimum,” he said. “We do talk about situations where these men are being laicized and what happens to them. And our canon lawyers are quick to say there is no purview to monitor them.”

Gemma Hoskins, one of the stars of the documentary series “The Keepers” about abuse in a Baltimore Catholic school, also is taking up the cause. Hoskins and a handful of volunteers have started a homegrown database using spreadsheets of clergy members created by a nonprofit called BishopAccountability.org to locate priests accused of abuse and post their approximate addresses. “We’re careful. If their address is 123 Main Street, we’ll say the 100 block of Main Street like the police do,” she said. “We don’t want any of our volunteers to get in trouble, but it’s something all of us feel is necessary. If the priests are laicized, it’s even scarier … because it means the church isn’t tracking where they are living. They’re out there in the world as unregistered sex offenders.”

Vatican Report – Cardinal McCarrick. …it hits home

REPORT ON THE HOLY SEE’S INSTITUTIONAL KNOWLEDGE AND DECISION-MAKING RELATED TO FORMER CARDINAL
THEODORE EDGAR MCCARRICK
(1930 TO 2017)
Prepared by the Secretariat of State of the Holy See Vatican City State
10 November 2020

Below are excerpts from said report:

On 6 August 2012, Priest 3 wrote a three-page letter to Nuncio Viganò. In the letter, Priest 3 stated, “Early in my time in North America I was sexually assaulted by the Cardinal Theodore McCarrick (at the time he was an Archbishop). I mention this now, as I believeth [it] is at the root of my recent problems with the Diocese of Metuchen.”1170 Priest 3 stated that he felt that he had been falsely accused of financial mismanagement and that his transfer away from the Portuguese and Brazilian communities, where he had worked for over twenty years, was wrongful. Priest 3 wrote, “the Diocese had only one goal in mind and that was to sweep me under the Church’s rug and to make my life so miserable I would not speak out against the sexual misconduct amongst priests and in particular, Cardinal McCarrick and Bishop Bootkoski”. Priest 3 continued:
“What does it really mean to be a priest in America? Evidently to serve God and the Church takes on different meanings. As a liason (sic) between the Vatican and the Churches here in America, you need to be consciously aware of the behavior amongst priests and the impact it has on the people they serve and guide. For a priest to be punished and admonished based on false allegations and speaking the truth about inappropriate behavior of sexual misconduct amongst priests is unacceptable under any standards. Cardinal McCarrick was a sexual predator. As one of his victims, I saw firsthand what it was to be a priest in America”.
Priest 3 stated that his civil case was “still pending…”.

The foregoing account has detailed the Holy See’s knowledge and decision- making regarding McCarrick from his first episcopal appointment through 2017. The Report concludes the Secretariat of State’s factual examination ordered by Pope Francis in late 2018. As the Holy Father has stated:
“If one member suffers, all suffer together with it” (1 Cor 12:26). These words of Saint Paul forcefully echo in my heart as I acknowledge once more the suffering endured by many minors due to sexual abuse, the abuse of power and the abuse of conscience perpetrated by a significant number of clerics and consecrated persons. Crimes that inflict deep wounds of pain and powerlessness, primarily among the victims, but also in their family members and in the larger community of believers and nonbelievers alike. Looking back to the past, no effort to beg pardon and to seek to repair the harm done will ever be sufficient. Looking ahead to the future, no effort must be spared to create a culture able to prevent such situations from happening, but also to prevent the possibility of their being covered up and perpetuated. The pain of the victims and their families is also our pain, and so it is urgent that we once more reaffirm our commitment to ensure the protection of minors and of vulnerable adults.

Well. Just one story. Of many. This was MY Diocese, however. This was too familiar. Too close. TOO reprehensible. Is this enough? Much talk. Much apologetic banter. I do not know…

However, this IS what I know and what I want. My main aspiration is that not only is it time for church leaders to the to WALK THE TALK of PUTTING THE NEEDS OF THE VULNERABLE AND WOUNDED VICTIMS FIRST! And, it is time to alter the TONE of the talk. The church must move towards a victim-focused language and corresponding practices of accountability dedicated to acknowledging and transforming a church culture of denialism, complicity, conformity and protectionism. The church is now the ‘third person’. It is now about ‘us’. The truth in language of the lay person. No more sanitizing sexual abuse. It is an oxymoron.

Bless me Father…

Utilizing ‘lay’ persons – church members who aren’t clergy – to work with the clergy cooperatively towards a safer and more accountable Catholic community, I think, may also be incredibly empowering and effective in ensuring transparency and remediation. Lay-led organizations such as Voice of the Faithful and The Catholic Whistleblowers draw on their Catholic faith and teachings to seek to empower lay Catholics. Greater public accountability from the Catholic Church clearly is connected to the necessity to CHANGE internal church norms, patterns, behaviors and relationships. Awareness MUST be raised for GREATER PUBLIC ACCOUNTABILITY and LIABILITY from the Church to instill our quest and need for justice, healing and forgiveness.

As of now, there is no formal mechanism in place for punishing or removing any of the thousands of Catholic bishops across the world when he is accused of wrongdoing, short of the intervention of the pope. And this remains to me the strongest impediment towards change and reparation. Problems with ‘accountability’ are as rooted in the structure of the Church itself as self-deception. Dioceses, or local areas of governance, are like feudal estates! Each one is organized in a slightly different manner with minimal centralized oversight above the level of the bishops or archbishop assigned to that region. Therefore, many dioceses are also full of quasi autonomous groups. As an example, the members of religious orders report not to bishops but to the heads of their own organizations. This is random and complicated. Confusing.

This internal ‘format’ can only exacerbate apprehension and confusion concerning clergy sexual abuse, because different dioceses and orders have all chosen to handle allegations in different ways. Some, such as the Archdiocese of Boston, have agreed to engage and potentially settle with any alleged victim, even if the legal statute of limitations on the abuse has long passed. Others, such as the Archdiocese of New York, spent years aggressively lobbying state legislation to extend the statute of limitations on child-sexual-abuse.

In closing… a prominent sexual abuse victim turned advocate once said: “When someone shares a story of being abused, it takes ahold of your heart in a way that has a real claim on you…I can see these people in front of me—their faces, they’re so beautiful, and they’re so hidden, in a way. They have experienced so much shame, and so much that’s impacted them far into their adult lives.” This is true. And this is sad. And, it is time for some real change.

Does Father Know Best?

What is sickening and repulsive is the deliberate cover-up of sexual abuse cases of Catholic priests by the Catholic Church as an institution. https://www.sundayguardianlive.com/

Our church is broken. My church is broken. It broke many years ago. Reading about priests abusing children wasn’t all that shocking to me back in the 70’s when the searing pain of a ruler slam on my hand still stung. Something was always inherently wrong with these people. These representatives of a religion. Why were the nuns so mean? The punishments so harsh. The confessional so sinister? The fasting so lengthy? The teachings so scary? Limbo? Purgatory? I never felt warm and fuzzy in the church. The pews were too uncomfortable and kneeling for so long was just barbaric. Why did the nuns dress so absurdly? My body rejected my religion I shook, swooned and at times giggled uncontrollably in reaction to these figures, actions and reactions. Something was wrong. Made no sense. These thoughts ran fluently and fluidly through my unsanctified body.

Yet!… conversely…why were the priests so nice? They handed the communion wafer to me gently, compassionately. I felt he knew me. My name. Surely, he did not, but I felt special and chosen. HE placed the sacred wafer, in those days, with a soft and accepting demeanor on my tongue. Such an ‘intimate’ and private discourse. Yet! Wierd! Did my tongue have the discoloration of the cherry tootsie pop I snuck into my mouth an hour ago? Did I have bad breath? An ugly mouth? As much as I LOVED the heavenly host melting on my tongue (not mentioning the appreciation of this petty nutritive sustenance) there was the profound pride in its receipt. ‘I received’, we would say, as if we just won The Nobel Peace Prize. And we EARNED this gluten free snack…with its ‘sacredness’ under-appreciated. It was the gestalt of the parade to the altar, the ‘affectionate’ synergy with the priest, the special, however paltry, snack we ‘received’ so slowly dissolving and entering your empty and needy belly. This was good. Sound. And as innocent and misunderstood as was possible.

Priests were not the enemy for me. Although we didn’t know them personally growing up, we knew their names. They were truly movie stars. You ‘watched’ them. At the altar! {for girls did not have the privilege of being an alter helper. Only boys. Hmm….} At the stations of the cross! One’s First Holy Communion and Confirmation were the only times you were truly part of them and had interactions with them. Their overt life. Their being. Their purpose. {Confession didn’t count-a covert operation). They all were eye- pleasing! Even if plain looking or even a bit homely, their ‘costume’, solely bring a starched neckware, was an engaging and agreeable sight. No bizarre headpiece. No thick lengthy black layered robe with hidden pockets and ropes for purposes unknown and questionably shady. No hideous witch shoes. Nope! They were revered by all. The nuns would treat them as if they were sent down from God personally to their convent…to their hand-picked parish. Nuns would coquettishly blush when interacting with these men, flirtatiously giggling at any utterance directed at them by these special figures. Amazing how a nun’s demeanor would change THE MINUTE a ‘Father’ made his presence. Truly sickening. A demeanor sparsely seen in the classroom. And, sometimes, a certain knock on the classroom door would cause a metamorphosis so poignant that YOU KNEW whose presence was about to enter…and it certainly was not Mrs…..

To earn this gift of the sacrament of communion, was always a piece of cake, and I was thrilled that it wasn’t the nuns who decided what my consequence was for ‘having disobeyed my parents three times’. Nope! As ominous and nearly malevolent the confessional appeared, upon entering you KNEW the drill. The gig. How to ‘play’ this game by the time you were seven years old. You weren’t chastised there! It wasn’t a classroom, but rather a simply-super-solemn cubicle. You knew it was a priest behind the mysterious shroud. A scary/kindly figure who would never ask WHY. You never knew what priest was your confessor. His person obscured by mysterious shadows. His head bowed with respect, he listened intently to your rehearsed confession. He knew them by heart. I don’t know how, in retrospect, he kept from either chuckling or passing out from boredom. They were all the same and… you knew this too. The reciprocal game of ‘’Bless Me Father’ by Hasbro! The anxiety you felt waiting in the pew for your turn vanished the minute that trap window opened! Voila! Another successful confession accomplished, thanks to the kindness and laid-back demeanor of a priest. Surely someone to like. To confide in. To trust.

Our priests lived well. As a kid I so admired their lovely accommodations in a handsome brick, shuttered colonial next to the church. At times, and I cannot remember why, I would be permitted to visit the rectory. Usually to ‘deliver’ something. A homily? A holy card? A scapula? I daresay what it ‘might’ have been… As I remember, one was not ordinarily ‘chosen’ to enter this exclusive residence for these lucky fellas! O! God surely blessed them. Lovely detailed surroundings. Draped windows. I clearly remember the oversized dining table in an ornate dining room, already set up for dinner. Wine glasses at each place setting! I knew this because I was in charge of table setting for special occasions at my house. And, wine glasses were ALWAYS included in correct chore completion. Great meals were going to be prepared. Home- cooked. Wine! Cigars! Later, a bourbon by the fire… then off to prayers and a bed, as I picture it in my mind, surrounded by curtains reminiscent of Mr Scrooge’s bed. However these were drapes made out of luxurious velvet fabric. These ‘Fathers’ were always well-coiffed and clothes were always well-pressed. All in all, these holy guys were a pleasing lot. Why wouldn’t they be? They lived well. Ate well. Dressed well, and little did I know what might also be lingering there in their lives…

In high school a certain handsome ‘Father’ represented himself as more an entertainer. A comedian who traveled the halls like the Pied Piper. A man ‘of the cloth’ who choose his female ‘pals’ carefully…. And they were pretty girls. Or popular girls. You know, the girls who always knew what to say. What to wear. Where to go. Girls whom he KNEW would be flattered. I was not one of them. And in a way this was a rejection, even though I clearly realized that this was NOT how it was supposed to be. ‘Just another proof that having blonde hair, a petite figure and a great personality got you certain perks’! Cheerleading…cute boyfriends…the popular clique…it was all the same. Except it WASNT! Being a ‘Priest Buddy’ was not really natural… was it? But no one spoke of this. No one questioned why this unholy ‘camaraderie’ was so accepted and nearly blessed! Though I thought it was kinda creepy at the time… the full extent of this ‘creepiness’ would prove to grow exponentially over the next 40 years. And I daresay proved to be so much worse than these disturbing and abnormal scenarios I witnessed. Well, SHAME ON THEM. And, more to the point…SHAME ON THE CHURCH. MY CHURCH! Why did it take so long? Too long? Did the adults, the nuns, the teachers not see this as odd in my school? Peculiar? Irregular? Did they not discuss this? No talk amongst the faculty about how Father ‘so and so’ should behave more ‘priestly’? Report this? Were they afraid? Complacent? Or, most disturbingly, did they not even notice that this was ‘off’. Inappropriate. Even I, back then, remember inquiring certain girls about what was ‘talked’ about in the office…in the hallway…why would ‘spiritual’ counseling be so funny? So engaging? So ‘fun’? Something was amiss…. And this wasn’t the beginning.

AGEISM: does it get old?

Do you think Mick Jagger groans every time he sits down and stands up? Meryl Streep secretly likes BINGO? Martin Scorsese falls asleep reading scripts? Nancy Pelosi naps? David Attenborough texts? Pope Francis uses SIRI? I don’t know. But I do know that ascribing behaviors stereotyped as being that of an ‘older’ person can and cannot be fair. And conversely, assuming behaviors, typical of younger person, are not seen in an older person is equally discriminatory. I find it all confusing, ludicrous and infuriating. I remember getting my AARP application in my late 40’s while Senators Feinstein, Grassely, Leahy, and Inhofe are currently serving well into their 80’s! Our President will soon be 80 years old.

Let’s face it. The truth. It’s only natural for osteoarthritic gutterals to happen. Our bodies now betray us. Texting is harder the older one gets… [misshapen and achy fingers don’t lend itself to fine motor olympics]. Besides…we were taught the Palmer Method using an implement to form letters. And….naps can be restorative and in fact common among the older generation for sure…. Myself? At 70 I do not sleep well any longer. My usual 8-9hour nightly slumber has slumped to maybe 5 or 6 hours, if all goes well. Still working, I find myself nodding off at my desk, not even mentioning the fact that I literally STARE at a comfy cot all day in my nurse’s office. And! That wretched daily 2 to 3 pm cusp is DEADLY especially in the colder weather when a day at the beach is a just a fantasy. AND! Who DOESNT like a quick game o’ Bingo? No different than a ‘scratch off’. I mean… talk about instant gratification [although I loathe those supposed ‘good luck’ elephantic chatskies]. It’s all a conundrum but clarity and equity must enter. And a game of Bingo becomes ‘The Game of Life’ when seriously discussing this topic…

Oooops! Almost forgot …. talk about using those DREADFUL low-set diminutive beach ‘chairs’, clearly designed for young knees …however I have developed a successful albeit hideous acrobatic involving a self-induced ‘body slam’ into the sand…in order to retrieve a standing position. Yet! Don’t get me wrong …. My goal in regaining stature is not simply to use the bathroom but to use my body board…yep! I am out there boarding with all the rubbery teens you find on Spring Lake beaches. Sometimes called ‘the crazy old beach lady’ or sometimes referred to as ‘that cool Mrs Barnes who [still] boogie boards’…. Now there you go. BOTH statements are AGEIST. Do you see? Unfair. Insulting. Biased.

I don’t like “old” jokes as a general rule. Outwardly, I stoically walk past ‘that’ aisle of birthday greeting cards in stores, sneaking peeks while DYING of internal giggles. In truth, I will be the first one choking with hysterics picking out a 70th birthday card. And when my late Aunt told me about hanging black crepe paper at a 40th birthday party, something she found hilarious at age 96, I mustered a polite snicker ‘to be polite’. [was actually a hilarious vision and I really chortled with gusto to be honest]. What truly tickles my funny bone, mostly because I prefer a more mischievous/more absurd brand of humor [so pompous] … kinda like the meme showing two older women:

Woman #1: “I’ve been trying to reach you all day.”
Woman #2: “That’s a calculator.” HAHAHAHA…. No????

But, Ageism is so much more than a joke. It is real. And it is pervasive. Age discrimination in the work place is difficult to prove, to prosecute and to rectify more than any other sort of employment bias. That elderly person greeting you at the door of Target or checking out your groceries at the supermarket may well have once held – and been fired from – a very different job. And while age may be a factor in this joke, it’s the absurdity that makes me laugh. But I must admit some jokes about old age do just ‘get’ me — especially now that I’m {getting}older. The stereopathy of THE GOLDEN GIRLS in theory was absurd and misguided, yet there was something comforting and reasonable within these simple-minded sketches. ‘Blanche’, I believe, was playing a 55 year old retiree, quite illogical today in portraying the a lifestyle of a woman that age. In fact I could feasibly be her mother!!! Yet I, at times, would [embarassingly] watch the show, hoping for some cheap free cackles, which I invariably could recover. Example: “Dorothy: Oh c’mon, Blanche. Age is just a state of mind.”
Blanche: “Tell that to my thighs.” Well… it WAS funny 30 years ago. A snicker mixed with realization that MY thighs ALREADY resembled my friend’s Sharpei. Aging sucks and it is the essence of aging that makes Ageism so objectionable.

Of course ‘old jokes’ are inherently ageist, just like blonde jokes are inherently sexist. They all reinforce stereotypes. The funny thing is … is that ‘forgetfulness’ IS funny. Yet the very idea of a ‘Senior Moment’ reinforces a stereotype of us older adults that I find just simply distasteful. Obnoxious. You can’t win. And, I am way too easily entertained. Besides, I’m most CERTAINLY NOT 70! My twin sister MAY BE…

I tried to think of another demographic – Asians? Latinos? Blacks? LGBTQ? Women? who have been the object of humor that can be as cruel, wounding and as personal as the elderly. But it’s not only in the sphere of comedy, and on network TV, that the old are discussed in ways that would never be tolerated by (or about) another group. The New York Times ran a piece a few years ago by Ann Bauer titled Do Old People Have a Different Smell? It’s about having rented her house to an elderly couple. Upon return, she found it to have an odd distinctive scent. A Google search provided her with conflicting results. Yet one biologist at the Monell Chemical Research Center found that an increased concentration of an unsaturated aldehyde produced, in the elderly. “a distinctive grassy, waxy or fatty odor”. This confirmed what a Japanese study had found in 2001. The Japanese have a name for older person odor – kareishu – and it has a definitely negative association. These conclusions were disputed by an organic chemist, also at Monell, who was himself jokingly accused of being biased, because he was old. A smell? Well…what next? A new product for Fabreze: “ELDER-bury”.

FACT: Age changes us. Our bodies. Our minds. Ageist theory? Nope. Biological.

Wikipedia says… ‘Ageism, also spelled agism, [although I can’t imagine ever saying this word aloud using a hard ‘g’- too ‘mineralistic’ ] is stereotyping and/or discrimination against individuals or groups on the basis of their age. This may be casual or systemic. The term was coined in 1969 by Robert Neil Butler to describe discrimination against seniors, and patterned on sexism and racism.’ Well, good for you, Mr Butler. Can’t help but wonder your age at coinage…

According to the World Health Organization (WHO), AGEISM suggests stereotypes (how we think), prejudice (how we feel) and discrimination (how we act) onto others or oneself based on AGE. It permeates into all our institutions and sectors of society. It encompasses the districts which provide health and social work, as well as in the workplace, media and the legal system. The concept of ‘Healthcare Rationing’ based solely on age is widespread. A systematic review in 2020 showed that in 85 per cent of 149 studies, age determined who received certain medical procedures or treatments. This is just sickening. And, this abomination isn’t even what I wanted to address. I was initially in for the jokes…the stereotypic one liners…the guffaws I produce laughing at myself at 70 and how fairly/unfairly a gal of my age is perceived. And, most notably, how I perceive MYSELF in this fair/unfair world where people age without being awake nor aware of it happening. A cruel world really. That is. Unless your last name is Button and friends call you ‘Ben’…

On a serious note, some facts and figures. Drier information but the primary [kinda] point of this blog. Research on AGEISM demonstrates the belief that half the world’s population is ageist against older people and, in Europe, the only region for which data is available on all age groups, younger people report more age discrimination than other age groups. It is clear, ageism changes how we view ourselves, abrades harmony among generations and devalues our ability to benefit from what younger and older populations can contribute. It impacts our health and well-being while also having serious economic consequences. For example, ageism is associated with earlier death (by 7.5 years) and poorer physical and mental health. Ageism also increases risky health behaviors, such as eating an unhealthy diet, drinking excessively or smoking, and reduces our quality of life.

Ageism also affects EVERYONE. Children as young as 4 years old become aware of their culture’s age stereotypes. Just last week my two year old grandaughter shouted ‘POP POP’ in a restaurant after seeing an older gentleman with sparse grey hair enter haltingly, looking around with a hint of confusion. From early onwards children internalize and use these stereotypes to guide their feelings and behavior towards people of different ages. They also draw on culture’s age stereotypes to perceive and understand themselves, which can result in self-directed ageism at any age. This is true. And. This is scary.

Ageism also affects women EARLIER and HARDER than men! Surprise! Surprise! How many over 50 year old blondes do you think anchor FOXNews? *{NOT that I watch it}! While men over fifty are predominant. Things are slowly changing, but clearly not expediently. Older women face marginalization based on “lookism,” or gendered youthful beauty standards in addition to the unfounded societal biases that older employees are less innovative, adaptive, creative and less qualified. Studies show women managers reported feeling pressure to adhere to societal beauty standards and maintain a young look. As an example, women are almost twice as likely as men to feel compelled to dye their hair. Then again more and more women are fed up with this traditional, expensive and time consuming periodic transformation! Allowing one’s hair to remain gray or white or whatever color is natural at advanced age age is taking off! And it is terrific. It’s not for everyone, however, and on a personal note, I look like I have a severe and catastrophic case of anemia while sporting this natural/unnatural look! But it doesn’t really matter…there are plenty other ‘giveaways’ on my upper body shreiking ‘I’m no longer in my 60’s’…let alone one’s hair color. Just an aside…. But why is it ‘other’ hirsuit areas do/not transform into these dastardly wiry- textured and blanched fellas uniformly. I mean my eyebrows would not cause a rejection letter nor SNL skit? Hmmm…. Onward!

Facts about Aging.

I will make this short… People worldwide are living longer. Today most people can expect to live into their seventies and beyond. Every country in the world is experiencing growth in both the size and the proportion of older persons in the population. By 2030, 1 in 6 people in the world will be aged 60 years or over. At this time the share of the population aged 60 years and over will increase from 1 billion in 2020 to 1.4 billion. By 2050, the world’s population of people aged 60 years and older will double (2.1 billion). The number of persons aged 80 years or older is expected to triple between 2020 and 2050 to reach 426 million. At the biological level, ageing results from the impact of the accumulation of a wide variety of molecular and cellular damage over time. This leads to a gradual decrease in physical and mental capacity, a growing risk of disease and ultimately death. These changes are neither linear nor dependable, loosely associated with a person’s age in years. And, diversity seen in older age is certainly not random. Beyond biological changes, ageing is often associated with other life experiences such as retirement, relocation and death of friends and partners. Common medical problems upon aging include hearing loss, eye conditions, osteoarthritis, chronic obstructive pulmonary disease, diabetes, depression, dementia et al. As people age, they are more likely to experience several conditions at the same time. Older age is also characterized by the emergence of various complex health states commonly called geriatric syndromes. (Just Awful)….

Although some of the variations in older people’s health are genetic, most is due to people’s physical and social environments – including their homes and communities, as well as their personal characteristics – such as their sex, ethnicity, or socioeconomic status. Physical and social environments can affect health directly or through barriers or incentives that affect opportunities, decisions and health behavior. Maintaining healthy behaviors throughout life, particularly eating a balanced diet, engaging in regular physical activity and refraining from tobacco use, all contribute to reducing the risk of non-communicable diseases, improving physical and mental capacity and delaying dependent living. And, the diversity seen in older age is not random. A large part arises from people’s physical and social environments and the impact of these environments on their opportunities and health behavior

Older people are often assumed to be frail or dependent, vulnerable and a burden to society. Public health professionals, and society as a whole, need to address these and other ageist attitudes, which can lead to discrimination, affect the way policies are developed and the opportunities older people have to experience healthy aging. Researchers have suggested that these stereotypes about older people often relate to how younger people EXPECT them to behave. Younger people often assume older people ‘have had their turn’. And, need to and SHOULD make way for younger generations. They also feel that limited resources should be spent on the young rather than the older adults. And, finally, younger people feel that older people should ‘act their age’ … attacking the very IDENTITY of an elder. We clearly see all this. We clearly see and feel all this. Recently I was asked if I was wearing my daughter’s Dr. Martens boots! It is hurtful. It is unfair. It is WRONG. This. Is. AGEISM!

In any case, I think that the animosity toward the old is less economic than empirical; less political than primal and less about student debt than about THE FEAR OF GETTING OLD. No one particularly wants to AGE, however preferable it is to the alternative, that is, a premature demise. What’s striking is that the prejudice against the elderly is the only bigotry directed at the inevitable future of the bigot. Think about it! Very few misogynists fear that they will morph into a female, nor do racists fret that the future may radically change their ethnicity nor skin color! HOWEVER… the young WILL get old, that is, if they’re lucky. So why not simply consider the fact that ageing is challenging enough without one’s being taunted and insulted for having experienced this natural process that no medical or cosmetic intervention can ultimately supersede nor prevent.

In closing, I’m not suggesting more “calling out” nor cancellations….We have enough of that already. Cruel jokes about the old are everywhere. When will we face our ageism epidemic? We already have. But, perhaps the answer is more consciousness, more compassion, a more empathic imagination. Believe it or not, the old still have a sense of humor, even about the ageing process. I’ve already disclosed my closeted SeniorSense of humor. Geeeze… I AM a rabid SNL fan.. However, cruelty is something else. Imagine how your grandpa (or your local Monmouth County School Nurse named Nurse Pam) would feel surrounded by scientists eager to determine if he/she had an unpleasant odor… being placed in a Medtronic ‘Odometer’ only to watch the gauge register ‘SeniorScent’ or ‘ElderOdor’? How would your grandmother or twin sister like hearing her inner thigh flesh compared to a wad of Bubblelicious? Then imagine how you might feel, in some as yet unimaginable future, to be told, simply because you have survived, to have a terrible day.

I want to add just some quick ideas on how to address an ageist comment or ‘joke ‘ if ever in a situation where you feel dishonored or insulted and cannot keep your mouth shut. I mean… there’s always the ‘benefit of the doubt’ ploy where you nonchalantly say ‘I’m sure you were just trying to make a joke, but that just came off as mean.’ The there’s your ‘feigned bewilderment’ maneuver, “Why would you say such a thing?”. Always good for an awkward moment. I mean anyone who is capable of shame will apologize on the spot. Other cases may warrant going for blunt: ‘Please stop making those comments. They’re rude! They’re not funny, and they’re AGEIST’…my personal favorite. [especially when it’s someone you most likely will never see again]. And, finally, assuming you are at least 40, you could add: “And you should know my age is a protected status under Federal Law”. I think persons who wouldn’t dream of making rude nor cruel remarks about someone’s race, sex or religion for fear of being sued don’t realize that the federal ‘Age Discrimination in Employment Act of 1967 (ADEA)’ also prohibits discrimination against workers age 40 and older.

So there it is. Ageism. But gotta go! Time for watching reruns of ‘Golden Girls’ streaming on the AARP channel. 🤣

A Hidden Agenda? PART II: Nathan-Pathologized Neurodiversity?

I begin Part II with a discussion on Neurodiversity, a concept that’s been around for a while. It enters here as my blog takes a detour from the ‘story’, i.e., Nathan Carman’s alleged crimes. It’s time to do some forensic psychological etiology. Neurodiversity, in short, means that brain differences are just that: differences. So conditions like Autism, Asperger’s and Bipolarity etc. aren’t necessarily “abnormal.” They’re simply alterations of the human brain. Neurodiversity can be seen as a form of human diversity. The belief that there is only one “normal” type of brain or mind or one ‘correct’ style of neurocognitive functioning, is no more valid than the idea that there is one ‘real’ gender, race or culture. So that’s that. Where does this go now?
Some professionals believe the classification of neurodivergence (as medical/psychiatric pathology) has no valid scientific basis, however it reflects cultural prejudice and oppresses those labeled as such previously mentioned. Yet, a number of brain studies have shown that people with learning or thinking differences are “wired” differently than their peers. In other words, some children are born with brains that think, learn and process information differently than others. The term neurodiversity has since come to include not just autism, but other neurological conditions as well.
The social kinetics surrounding neurodiversity are not unlike the kinetics that surround other forms of human diversity. These can include unequal distribution of social relevance, opportunity and power; conversely, when embraced, diversity can act as a source of creative potential. I guess it is terminology that most benefits the world of human rights advocacy rather than a textbook of diagnostic clinical definitions. Ok that being said, this concept, if garnered and integrated into one’s thinking and intelligence can assist, perhaps, in our quest to TRY to understand IF there is a connection to Nathan’s diagnosis and his known actions as well as his alleged crimes. In further attempting to understand the relationship, IF ANY, between psychiatric pathologies and negative human behaviors, let’s first consider the case of Adam Lanza.

In December of 2013, reports circulated that Newtown shooter Adam Lanza had Asperger’s syndrome, a highly functioning form of autism, as detailed in Part I. This led some to wonder if this diagnosis may have contributed to the mass shooting, killing 20 children and six adults at a Connecticut elementary school. Ryan, Adam Lanza’s brother told ABC News that his brother “is autistic, or has Asperger’s syndrome and a ‘personality disorder.'” Former classmates of Adam described him as nervous, reported The New York Times, “with a flat affect.” “This was a deeply disturbed kid,” said a Lanza family member. As Autism and Asperger’s (ASD-Autism Spectrum Disorders) are associated with difficulties in communicating, forming relationships, and feeling empathy for others, this thinking held some water in the minds of all of us, whether we admit it or not. However, Asperger’s may be related to a lack of compassion, but not with premeditated violence, says Dr. Gabriella Rosen Kellerman at The Atlantic. Some types of “personality disorders,” such as anti-social personality disorder, are associated with dangerous outbursts, as are diagnoses such as psychopathy and sociopathy. However, it leads one to think, guiltily so for me, would not this lack of empathy make it ‘easier’ for someone to do harm, if feelings of sympathy or remorse were blunted? And, if one affirms Neurodiversity in essence, would not a diagnosis of Asperger’s negate this argument? In fact, that even suggesting or mentioning Lanza’s Asperger diagnosis is in fact discriminatory.

Now I dare not judge Mr. Carman. Neither do I profess to ultimately ‘buy’ the Neurodiversity theory. However, I have experienced and witnessed clients, diagnosed with Asperger’s Syndrome, display aggressive behaviors. I have also been the target of these behaviors. But what does this mean, other than said clients can have difficulty controlling behaviors and can have impulsivity issues. Well, many do. However, the extent to which the aggression is executed is the rub. Most persons are able to self-regulate. Others, due to mood dsyregulation or other impairments, have more of a challenge. Nathan, by all accounts, displayed many attributes of Asperger’ syndrome, however the criminal allegations against him are clearly unproven…all circumstantial evidence. [This despite his Aunts’ anecdotal reports of aggressive outbursts and an interest in guns]. Yet, although his actions and interviews are quite circumspect, at what point are his actions and words a result of his ‘disability’? [If, in fact, it is to be considered so. Clearly not, if one espouses to neurodiversity! What then? Nathan’s behavior would incontrovertibly be within the realm of a pathology quite suspect such as sociopathy or psychopathy]. And, I fear his condemnation would be multiplied exponentially.

Brenda Goodman, in her article “Asperger’s and Violence”, states with cases such as this, the answer is complex. While experts are clear that Asperger’s does not make a person more likely to commit a violent crime, some say it may affect the way a crime is carried out. Other researchers say that most people who commit crimes do it for some kind of concrete reward — money, for instance, or sex, or drugs. However, that’s not the case in people with Autism Spectrum Disorders. In these cases, it may be different, that is, the motive for the crime is distinctive. The determinant may very well be to communicate that you yourself are very ‘offended/provoked’. That others have treated you in a very bad way and you need revenge. But, this behavior is completely impossible to understand because it’s so heinous. A psychopath would never commit such a crime because a psychopath commits crimes that he receives some benefit from. A concrete gain. A perk! An achievement. And… would not commit suicide after the carnage. A 2008 review found that 84% of violent offenders with autism also had co-existing psychiatric disorders at the time they committed the crime. Well, enough of Mr Lanza…

Nathan’s obviously and markedly impoverished lack of empathy is clear. Interview-based assessments confirm this deficit and we cannot ignore it. We saw it distinctly in the 20/20 ABC interview aired a few years ago. However, if we are to believe his aunts’ accounts and beliefs of his utter guilt in the two murders discussed earlier, it is natural for some, if not most of us to want explanations and sensible reasons for these horrendous actions. If we are to include his Asperger’s diagnosis in our considerations here, it is because we need to. We would be remiss in omitting this aspect as we would in not including Jeffrey Dahmer’s past interest in dissecting roadkill in his backyard as a young teen. However, rationalizing violent acts helps to diffuse blame so as to make the horrid easier to digest. I do not know Nathan. I never met him nor evaluated him nor worked with him. However, I do know Asperger’s. And it is clear to me, as markedly noted in the literature, that people with autism or Asperger’s (ASD-Autism Spectrum Disorders) are NOT more likely to commit violent crimes than members of the general population. However, Nathan, albeit awkward, does NOT show significant delays or difficulties in language or cognitive development. Some, as manifested by Nathan, even demonstrate precocious vocabulary and A high IQ– often in a highly specialized field of interest. It is this misunderstanding of mental illness that introduces the potential for misplaced fear. Perpetuating discrimination and stigma does nothing more than halt progress toward health. Is this not the case with Nathan? At least with those who demonstrate this prejudice, can not this innate bias condemn Nathan for no equitable reason?

So where does this leave us? Firstly, it is important to distinguish Asperger’s from other disorders that can present with social-interaction abnormalities that can lead to criminality. For example, individuals with ‘schizoid personality disorder’ typically present with isolation due to disinterest in interpersonal relationships, and individuals with schizotypal personality disorder commonly present with acute discomfort with close relationships, and with magical and delusional thinking. Although similar in some respects to these other two disorders, ASD (Autism Spectrum Disorders-Asperger’s) differs in other ways. Compared to people with schizoid personality disorder, those with ASD often DO have a desire to make friends or have intimate relationships, but their profound social-skills deficits render them unable to appropriately engage, empathize with, or respond to others. And compared to people with schizotypal personality disorder, the social-interaction difficulties of those with ASD rooted in empathic and perspective-taking deficits rather than excessive social anxiety associated with paranoid fears. In addition, the PERSEVERATIVE INTERESTS of individuals with ASD usually involve themes (e.g., weather reports, mass transit schedules, maps, sports statistics) that, while unusual in intensity or focus, are not typically bizarre nor magical, unlike what happens in schizotypal personality disorder. And, most importantly, are clearly less sinister, dangerous or present with abnormalities which may incite trepidation from others.

Also, as noted, many individuals with ASD who may have committed violent acts have been shown TO HAVE COMORBID psychiatric disorders, such as in the case of Mr Lanza who has been noted to have socio/psychopathology as well. It appears these factors do not obviously enter into the realm of Nathan Carman’s profile. For, although some of his actions are highly questionable and seemingly suspicious, he apparently shows no traits as described above.

This review has attempted to provide a comprehensive update on the literature addressing the relationship between ASD and violence. Findings from descriptive case reports, prevalence studies, and previous reviews suggest that, while no conclusive evidence indicates that individuals with ASD are more violent than those without ASD, specific associational risk factors may increase violence risk among individuals with ASD. Further research would help to confirm these findings, suggest potential directions for evaluation, treatment and prevention, and potentially provide compelling observational support for forensic testimony regarding defendants with ASD charged with violent crimes.

In attempting to consider Nathan Carman’s culpability as related to his diagnosis of ASP has left me, as I am certain you as well, distracted and most assuredly unclear. Firstly, my job was to ‘consider’, not adjudicate. I presented facts related to Nathan and experiences. Did I offer any insights? Maybe. But ONLY to a reader who would be as zealous and curious as I concerning this young man. I found myself floundering in the waters most likely similar those experienced by Nathan and Linda Carman that fateful night. For what can explain his behavior? I tried. Asperger’s? ASD COMORBID with an antisocial personality disorder? A highly intelligent criminal with no DSM pathology? A sociopath? A psychopath? A neurodiverse son and fisherman? A damaged frontal lobe? Neurotransmitter deficits? A pathological young man whose neurodiversity blinds us to see his true temperament? Any of these? All of these and more? I guess it doesn’t really matter. And sadly will anyone attain closure from attaining any true scenarios to explain the deaths of these two loved family members. For only Nathan knows. And I do believe he does know. Although the etiology for his actions remains elusive, he is a competent and intelligent young man. A man with secrets. A man with transparent deficits. And it is not BECAUSE of his ‘differences’ that we may never know what truly happened that night in the waters off Block Island so many years ago…but rather IN SPITE of them. Will Nathan ever empty his soul to us? I think not. Call it what you may. It may not have a name. Good and bad things happen to good and bad people. And there’s no name for this. PLEASEREADTHIS 🗽